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[Me, me, me.]
This is me, Jilly. Awe! Cutie?!
[Name] Jilly P.
[Age] Teenagerish / 15
[From]Walla Walla, WA
[Contact] Email
[Fav. Shows] Viva La Bam, Wild Boyz, Jackass, Wonder Showzen, Team Sanchez, Sex and the City, Beavis and Butthead, Rock Countdown [mtv2], Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends, Ren and Stimpy, That 70's Show, CSI Las Vegas, Law and Order SVU, Room Raiders, Ummmmmmmmm South Park, Chapelles Show, all that too. / I dont like tv ;D
[Fav. Movies] The good stuff like Nightmare Before Christmas, Requiem For A Dream, Grind, Jackass the Movie, Seasons of my fav tv shows on dvd, Corny Porn, The Hott Chick, Dawn of the Dead, Spirited Away (cutsie anime, haha), Superstar, Zoolander, Fantasia, The Breakfast Club, Resident Evil, Benny and Joon, 10 Things I Hate About You, I could go on and on...but I wont. (Your welcome!)
[Love Slave of the Moment] Your mom
[Fucking Awesome Bands] The Used, The Bravery, My Chemical Romance, Presidents of the United States of America. Fuck Yes I said that!!
[Other Fav. Music] (In No Specific Order) Coheed and Cambria, Social Distortion, Straylight Run, Green Day, Jimmy Eat World, Afi, The Casualties,The Offspring, Taking Back Sunday, MSI, Finch, operation ivy, Hot Hot Heat, KMK, Sex Pistols, Misfits, The Killers, Transplants, Modest Mouse, New Pornographers, Blood Brothers, Usher, and SO0O0O many damn more!
[Hates] Diet soda, ground beef, guns, politics, the president, mean people, bossy people, cockiness, spiders, bugs of all kinds, your mom, her sister, and my dear aunt sally.
[FOOD!] taco wagon food, chinese, mexican, tai, instant noodles, fruit, veggggggggies, smoothies, frozen yogurt, seafood, sushi
[Right now...]
[Reading] New Dean Koontz / Frankenstein
[Listening] THE USED!!!
[Watching] MTV2 / Wildboyz, Jackass, Viva La Bam
[Last Drawn] Uh... graffiti in my sketchbook
[Writing] Short stories / theyre on here!
[Drooling] More piercings!! :)~~~
[Obsession] The Used, My Stories and sketches, Friendships.
[Hating] Certan people *cough* *cough*
[Gaming] Blah. Video games cramp my style! :P
[Addiction] Music!! Cant get enuff of it rite now. The Used fucking rocks!
[Fantasizing] I WANNA GO TO BATTLE OF THE BANS 3/26!!!!
[Mood] I've been pretty daymn happy lately!!! :D
[Wish List - I don't wanna delete anything... I'll just put lines through the things ive wished for recently and gotten. P.S. MY BIRTHDAY'S COMING UP...HINT HINT!]
[01] The Perfect Boy in My Life
[2]A job...any job...plz...
[3]The Grudge / dvd
[4]Spirited Away / dvd
[5]Write / possibly sing for a band
[6]A skateboard!!
[7]Jackass Season _ / dvd
[8]The Used CD-In Love and Death
[9]My Chemical Romance CD-Three Cheers With Sweet Revenge
[10]Tickets to Battle of The Bands in Seattle, Mar. 26th.
[11]More tongue / bellybutton rings
[12]Eminem's Encore Cd
[13]A webcam
[14]The best friends anyone could ask for
Phew... *_*
[Layout]
[Top Banner] none :P
[Side] none :P
[Marquee] You control your life. You choose your fate. Write your own happy ending.
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*insert maniacal laughter*
[[Wednesday, March 9, 2005 07:28 p.m.]]
wow. life is becoming quite entertaining. people take stuff too damn personally i swear! the last entry was based on a song by the bravery. i liked it, so i took what i found to be the underlying meaning behind the sadistic lyrics, and wrote a short story, diary entry, letter, etc. about the song. hmm. guess i got a little pissed by certain reactions and outcomes of posting what i believe is a pretty damn good piece of writing. like i said, it wasnt meant to be taken personally, and at first i felt unsure about how i might concoct a reasonable explanation addressing the missunderstanding in which went too fucking far.
then i realized, "hey, this isnt my problem. i did nothing wrong. i dont need to worry my pretty little head and get way stressed out about something being taken too far." i guess i dont feel up to starting into a shitload of drama which i didnt necissarily have to deal with anyway. i guess im happy to be happy and glad to be glad. so booya. talk to me when you calm down and can be nice. only reason im not responding a bunch. chilllllllll!
aight. thats that. mhm. megz is coming to town saturday. yayyyyyyyyy! and guess what else??? im going out with tom now. yay. lol. but anyways...guess im prolly staying the nite at katie house tomarrow night. that stupid whore. hahaha. dont worry i mean that in a loving way and she knows. :P but i spose im gonna get the hell out of the basement and see what my broham is up to. later home fries. dont eat pork, its bad for you. ughhhh.
[[Monday, March 7, 2005 09:45 p.m.]]
feeling emo again. i dont care if you sympathize and want to be there to make it all better or for emotional support. im sick of everything. had enuff of the way things are. dont care if i lose you. there are people inhabiting the rest of the world that ill be meeting, i bet half of them would make me happier than you ever could. sick of feeling happy, sick of feeling sad, so fucking emo. lets cry and piss and moan with the rest of the teens who live emo pained lives. dont really care anymore. why you ask? who gives a shit why. shut the hell up, dont even try to convince me that im that important to you! shit...like id wanna tell you ANYTHING about my life or my problems anyway. none of your goddamn business. even if you insist it is and hold a bloody serrated knife to my throat with intentions of scaring it out of me; expecting me to confess why i just dont give a fuck anymore through flooding tears and running makeup, snot dripping, saliva webbed between my lips...haha. you probably envision that i would react in a similar way to the imagary above, in a situation like that. you wanna know what would really happen if your hand gripped the icy metal blade grazing my pale pink throat with no real intention for homicide? well...
first id most likely raise one eyebrow and my first reaction might be confusion and surprise. then rest my facial features and smile, no teeth. eyes blazing with excitement and anticipation, i can just see my hand fling out from my side and grasp your wrist tightly. almost whispering at first, "you finally know what i want from you. at long last, you know how to please me. i can finally be fulfilled and ultimately happy. slice slowly, watch the crimson blood spurt out and drip down my chest. listen to me laugh manically as the slow process of butchering my jugular comences. maybe you could be as happy as i would be after i am dead. i will love you forever. kill me now."
then, being the chickenshit that you are, you would start to cry like a little pansy and beg me to get help. oh i need help, im suffering, i need to be the girl you love again. please! -you plead desperately. at this point i will be sighing and rolling my eyes. i shake my head and all along i knew that you never really cared about what i wanted or whether i was happy. just as long as you had me. as long as "i was okay" when in reality, as long as "you were okay." dont believe me? well just ask me. im telling you now. so just get on with your candy ass life, get another hoe biting bitch, and put your "oh so perfect personality and potential to love and shed your love" to use. dont need it here. then, knowing that only a real bitch can get the job done right if she does it herself, i can see myself letting go of your wrist and grabbing, now, the sharp blade cutting deep into my fingers, pulling it away from you, and sinking it deep into my neck. life goes on. and it can for you too! see your nearest therapist today! only 0 an hour to be cured of the nasty emotional thoughts you dwell on. then you can finally get the strength to end your story so eternally you can be put to rest. infinitly happy. the end.
[[Thursday, March 3, 2005 07:29 p.m.]]
i liked this...
You might not be his first, his last, or his only.
He`s cared about someone else before and time only knows if he will again,
But if he cares for you now, then what else matters?
Isn't that what matters?
He`s not perfect, but then again neither are you,
and the two of you will never be perfect.
But if he can make you laugh at least once,
and if you can hold onto him and give him the most you have to offer,
Then that's perfection in itself
The intensity of the love you share could cool down
every so often.
But it sparks just the same.
He might not be thinking about you every second of the day.
He might not recite you romantic poetry
He might be too busy with his friends or his family
He might not...
but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break.
So don`t hurt him,
don't change him
and don`t expect more than he can give.
Don't over analyze,
Smile when he makes you happy,
Yell when he makes you mad,
And miss him like hell when he's not there.
[[Thursday, March 3, 2005 12:31 p.m.]]
heres that thing i wrote in bed last nite when i couldnt sleep, i said in the entry that i posted this morning around 6, that i might post it up here when i felt like it. well i have nothing better to do, so i guess i feel like it?
_________________________
this is the unfinished version. exactly as much as i had written last night. im gonna finish it, mabe tonight, and when i do i'll post the whole shazam thingy up. but for now, heres some Uncompleted Deep Thoughts....
_________________________
[[What-I-Mull-Over-When-I'm-In-Bed-Late-At-Night-And-I-Can't-Sleep-Worth-Shit...]]
laying in bed, ive been musing over a seemingly contraversal quandary: If you were to ask an individual to describe who they were in a nutshell, how would they answer?
one possibility, is that they might label themselves in a way similar to how high schoolers label different groups of their peers into specific cliques. for example: geeks, jocks, preps, punks, goths, etc. however, in the case of an adult's response to the question, their label for themselves may not be so juvenile.
other possible responses might come in the form of where they believe they stand in society, their social class, finances, the type of career they have, or other external resources.
adjectives descibing personal characteristics may also be common.
yet, the more i thought about how i myself might respond to the same question, i seemed to come up with more original ways that may be somewhat abstract, yet possibly more meaningful. deep in random thought, i pulled from the cavity that scientists insist, lie behing my vision-impaired eyes, an elementary idea: what if i added some type of metaphoric description, or symbolization?
the ideas seemed to flow rapidly through my head. i settled on symbolization. now what one thing might symbolize who i am? something non-living perhad. then i had it. the inanimate object that i decided upon that may serve as the ultimate kaleidescope into the inner definition of ones self was quite common. it may be found among a child's belongings, or be included in a list of supplies requirements for a jr. high school's art class.
though appearing as a single "thing," the outer cardboard encasing serves as merely a membrane to the 64 individual objects within. with this it may just be solely possible to explain who a person is, with a choice ratio of 1/64.
a mere box of crayola crayons, 64 count specifically. each slender cylinder of hued wax is sadly destined to be dis-similar to the other 63, and outcasted from the rest to be eternally "different" simply for the discretion of the shade in which none of the others in the box posses.
the colorful yellow and green box, containing many small objects so similar, yet so diverse, may be too complex and contradicting to be used as a single representation of symbolism. however, what about selecting a particular shade of crayon, and define what i myself find the specific color to represent in way of which emotions, and idiosyncratic interpretations it stands for?
i come up with some of the craziest random theories when i let my mind wander. hahahaha. i dont really think there was any point in me jotting this all down in my notebook as i layed there, except that it seemed really meaningful and complete at the time. i guess i was just sick of being restless and i wanted to be able to get rid of all the fucking thoughts that were going through my head. it sure as hell didnt make it any easier for me to sleep while i kept pondering over useless crap that prolly wouldnt make sense in the morning, or even seem as important. but yeah, thats that. long as hell. but whatever.
[[Thursday, March 3, 2005 12:04 p.m.]]
yeah, and then i come home feeling all pukey and sick. ugh. temp of 99.9. 's not good i tell ya. stomach virus or whatever. had it last night too, just came real quick not long before i went to bed, which was most likely not till 11. i thought i puked cause of nerves and stress. mom and dad are having real financial difficulties, and were arguing when they got home from the meeting at like 8:45pm or so. they used to fight hella couple years ago, maybe even 4 or 5 years ago. but i vividly remember the screaming and crying and threats. i remember mom packing me and justin into the car and we'd go to my grandparents house to stay for awhile sometimes. i guess they still constantly did it up until i was in 7th grade. not as often, but much more than they have in the last few years.
of course parents are gonna argue and disagree and whatnot. it happens. but seldom do mine persist the issue for more than 10mins or so. im no stranger to "fuck you's" and such. last night just freaked me out i spose. mostly cause it never happens that chaotic anymore.
my dad was walking thru the livingroom last night and i was walking to my room from the bathroom, and i went to give him a hug, and he hugged me back tightly. yet he pulled away sort of fast and i noticed he was sobbing and tears were rolling down his cheeks. my dad never cries unless something is unbearably painful, emotionally that is. not physically. he walked into the kitchen and didnt say anything. i dont think he wanted me to see how my mothers words affected him so deeply; didnt want me to make a big deal about it, cause he knows i know that when he cries, his whole world has come crashing down.
i could tell the whole story, and i would too, but ive already written so much so ill sort of sum it up. i kinda wanna go sleep, and get to feeling better. but i walked into my moms room and she was changing her clothes and was real pissed, i mean blazing. i asked her what happened, and she said i shouldnt worry about it. so i demanded and she told me. i had been crying hard ever since i had seen my dad crying. i cant handle that. and i got sick maybe 10mintues later. my stomach ached so bad. then i woke up this morning and felt fine. by 3rd period i was incredibly nauseous, so i went to the nurse and ended up home. agh.
[[Thursday, March 3, 2005 05:54 a.m.]]
well hmm. maybe ill write an actual journal entry this mornin, seein as how when i update my writing n e more, its a poem or a survey.... hahaha. which is cool but, yeah ill slurge for a min or seven.
last night i was having troubles sleeping. i puked from stress and nerves. mom and dad were fighting about finances and him quitting his job awhile ago and all that shiz. *takes a drag from cig* agh! layed in bed for awhile. got in bed around 10:45ish. maybe 11. [god daymn my arm is cramping, errrrg] n e ways. so i couldnt sleep right? and when i cant sleep worth shit, i cant lay in bed cause ill be there for awhile.
well thats what i did for about an hour. fuck. if i hadnt, i prolly woulda fell asleep sooner. all i needed to do was turn my light on and draw or read for a bit. but didnt wanna push mom and dad's buttons cause i think they were still jammed a little from all the pressing they were doing earlier [sounds disturbing eh? heh heh] lol. but i smoked a cig or two while laying there, and i was coming up with all these daymn deep thoughts. one of em was how i thought that a box of crayola crayons (specifically a 64 count box, dont ask why) could symbolize who a person was. and it got deeper and deeper. i wrote some of it down in the dark with a fat blue sharpie and a tatty notebook laying on the floor with one of my long stories that i havent attempted to finish.
maybe when i finish that thought about the crayons, if i do that is, then ill post it up here cause its really great. give ya some insight into what i think about when i lay up all night with an upset stomach caused by nothing more than life. now that im thinking about it, i proabably will finish it, or at least put up what i actually completed while i was laying there. its that good i think.
wowzers. omfg! thats a big deal. me saying wowzers. *sigh* makes me wanna cry. reminds me of....the times with jacob. i always used to say wowzers. lol. yeah. but hott daymn i wrote more than i thought i was going to. maybe i need to flush my thoughts out more like i used to inst. of just typing out old poetry and modifying perfectly fine html to make the page look "bettah."
but im gonna say later folks, cause its 6:06am. accidentally set the alarm for 5:30, and hour earlier, and im gonna sit for a bit and wake up. watch myself so i dont fall back between my sweet soft baby blue jersy knit sheets and my cushy, cozy, warm inviting comforter with blue and green flames on it. SO I LOVE MY BED OKAY?!?!! GAWD. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT BIATCHES!!! lol. peace out homefries.
[[Wednesday, March 2, 2005 07:10 p.m.]]
SURVEY RESULTS- 2ND VICTIM
Sent in by my gurlie ROBI
1.Smoked? nope sorries, clean girl right hurr
2.Been drunk as hell? been drunk, but not so much as hell
3.Screwed somone of the oppsite sex? nope, Im a virgin :P
4.Screwed somone of the same sex? - nope
5.Shoplifted? umm, does taking something from a store when you were little count?
6.Lied? yeah do it all the time, especially with parents, sorries yall
7.Betrayed a friend? no never!
8.Been to jail? - nope
9.Smoked weed? thats a total no
10.Done LSD? - no
11.Done any other illegal drugs? - no
12.Given oral sex? - no
13.Received oral sex? - no
14.Screwed somthing not of the human race? wtf kind of question is that?
15.Screwed somthing not alive? - no
16.Cheated on someone? yeah when I went out with Nick I had been drinking and made out with Cody, I was drunk! Ha ha!
17.Used someone? no
18.Paid someone for sex? - no
19.Been paid for sex? - no
20.Played strip poker? cant say I have
21.Skipped school? no, Im a good girl, I really am no joke
-_-
22.Skipped school to get high/drunk? - no
23.Danced naked? yeah in the shower when I am listening to music! OH YEAH!
24.Danced naked in public? - nope
25.Flashed someone? - nope
26.Mooned someone? - no
27.Kissed someone? I love kissing my boy. ^_^
28.Kissed someone of the same sex? yeah, man middle school memories, lol!
29.Held hands? yeah of course
30.Hugged someone? Im a hugging person!
31.French kissed someone? - yup
32.Had sexual fantasies? uh
Ha ha, cant say I have.
33.Had gay/lesbian fantasies? - nope
34.Stolen money? yeah I have to say I have, ha ha!
35.Stolen money from family? yeah but just little change here and there
36.Stolen drugs from family? - nope
37.Been convicted of a crime? - no
38.Dated someone because u heard they were easy? no, and wont, thats just gay
39.Had someone dated u because they heard u were easy? no
40.Been called a whore? yeah, who hasnt?
41.Been called a bitch? of course, my best friend and I like to call each other names all the time, lol!
42.Watched porn? cant say I have, yet. Ha ha!
43.Tape porn? - nope
44.Watched porn u taped? - nope
45.Kissed someone in a moving vehicle? - nope
46.Screwed someone in a moving vehicle? no
47.Used sex TOYS? - nope
48.Tried to kill yourself? thought about it and its just stupid to do that to one self, especially at such a young age
49.Tried to kill someone else? nope, thought about it though
50.Told someone you hated them? - yeah
51.Told someone you loved them and didnt mean it? yeah ha ha!
52.Are you gay? - no
53.Are you lesbian? straight thank you
54.Have u kissed more the one person at once? HA HA! Man middle school was insane, just once with my 2 best friends at the time. Ha ha!
THANKS ROBI, LOTS AND BUNCHES!!
[[Monday, February 28, 2005 07:24 p.m.]]
awe, i was looking all over the net for display pics featuring the used and came up with nothing last night, and benny found two, hes the bestest! check em out...
and there ya have it. man oh man. ive bamboozled a blogger's block, dunno what else to add to the site? any ideas????????????????
[[Monday, February 28, 2005 06:00 p.m.]]
Survey Results
SENT IN BY MY BUDDY CODY
S U R V E Y!!!!!
Have you ever...
1.Smoked? yes
2.Been drunk as hell? no
3.Screwed somone of the oppsite sex? yes
4.Screwed somone of the same sex? no
5.Shoplifted? no
6.Lied? yes
7.Betrayed a friend? no
8.Been to jail? no
9.Smoked weed? yes
10.Done LSD? no
11.Done any other illegal drugs? no
12.Given oral sex? no
13.Received oral sex? yes
14.Screwed somthing not of the human race? thats a fucked up question...no
15.Screwed somthing not alive? no
16.Cheated on someone? no
17.Used someone? yes
18.Paid someone for sex? no
19.Been paid for sex? i wish...
20.Played strip poker? no
21.Skipped school? no
22.Skipped school to get high/drunk? no
23.Danced naked? no
24.Danced naked in public? no
25.Flashed someone? no
26.Mooned someone? no
27.Kissed someone? yes
28.Kissed someone of the same sex? yes
29.Held hands? yes
30.Hugged someone? yes
31.French kissed someone? yes
32.Had sexual fantasies? yes
33.Had gay/lesbian fantasies? no
34.Stolen money? yes
35.Stolen money from family? yes
36.Stolen drugs from family? no
37.Been convicted of a crime? no
38.Dated someone because u heard they were easy? no
39.Had someone dated u because they heard u were easy? no
40.Been called a whore? no
41.Been called a bitch? no
42.Watched porn? yes
43.Tape porn? no
44.Watched porn u taped? no
45.Kissed someone in a moving vehicle? no
46.Screwed someone in a moving vehicle? no
47.Used sex TOYS? no
48.Tried to kill yourself? yes
49.Tried to kill someone else? no
50.Told someone you hated them? yes
51.Told someone you loved them and didnt mean it? no
52.Are you gay? no
53.Are you lesbian? no
54.Have u kissed more the one person at once? no
THANKS MR. CODY! AND WHEN YOU SENT UR ANSWERS IN THAT EMAIL, YOU ASKED ME TO GIVE YOU MY RESULTS TO THIS, AND FYI, THEY'RE LOCATED ON THE RIGHT OF THIS PAGE UNDER THE LINKS. TYVM.
[[Sunday, February 27, 2005 06:47 p.m.]]
Hey all what is up?! I had this crazy idea that i'd paste a survey thingy for the helluvit and have ppl email me back their answers to it cause im a silly skank like that fo sho! hahaha. yeah. so even if i have no idea who you are, and you feel like wasting a little time for me enjoyment, plz copy this survey and paste it in a blank email with your answers and send it to gemini_craze25@hotmail.com. After i get ppl's results, ill post them up here as soon as i can. so be cool and do this thingy.
here it is:
S U R V E Y!!!!!
Have you ever...
1.Smoked?
2.Been drunk as hell?
3.Screwed somone of the oppsite sex?
4.Screwed somone of the same sex?
5.Shoplifted?
6.Lied?
7.Betrayed a friend?
8.Been to jail?
9.Smoked weed?
10.Done LSD?
11.Done any other illegal drugs?
12.Given oral sex?
13.Received oral sex?
14.Screwed somthing not of the human race?
15.Screwed somthing not alive?
16.Cheated on someone?
17.Used someone?
18.Paid someone for sex?
19.Been paid for sex?
20.Played strip poker?
21.Skipped school?
22.Skipped school to get high/drunk?
23.Danced naked?
24.Danced naked in public?
25.Flashed someone?
26.Mooned someone?
27.Kissed someone?
28.Kissed someone of the same sex?
29.Held hands?
30.Hugged someone?
31.French kissed someone?
32.Had sexual fantasies?
33.Had gay/lesbian fantasies?
34.Stolen money?
35.Stolen money from family?
36.Stolen drugs from family?
37.Been convicted of a crime?
38.Dated someone because u heard they were easy?
39.Had someone dated u because they heard u were easy?
40.Been called a whore?
41.Been called a bitch?
42.Watched porn?
43.Tape porn?
44.Watched porn u taped?
45.Kissed someone in a moving vehicle?
46.Screwed someone in a moving vehicle?
47.Used sex TOYS?
48.Tried to kill yourself?
49.Tried to kill someone else?
50.Told someone you hated them?
51.Told someone you loved them and didnt mean it?
52.Are you gay?
53.Are you lesbian?
54.Have u kissed more the one person at once?
DONT FORGET TO ADD YOUR NAME TO THE EMAIL SO I CAN POST WHO TOOK IT. ILL JUST USE FIRST NAMES.
oh yeah, and ill post my answers to this at some point or another. prolly tonight. until latah home fries...
[[Saturday, February 26, 2005 12:15 p.m.]]
THE USED LYRICS
"All That I've Got"
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I..
I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I...
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squeeze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I..
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got!
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
[[Thursday, February 24, 2005 07:19 p.m.]]
wow. aight. spent a total of hmmm. lets just say hellza fucking hours figuring out how to arrange things on the new pages of my site. plus i wanted to use some forms of html that i had never used before or knew how to do off the top of my head, so i looked up lots of different tutorials online and ended up using the disabling of the right click for my gallery. now nobody can use my pics and be all infidelish. lol. yeah. too many people looking for pictures of attractive ppl to put on their sites and on their profiles and whatnot. i choose not to be a part of that, thank you very much. plus im putting pictures of some of my friends up in there too, so they'll benefit from my "wisdumb" (as i quote benny, hehe) as well.
so yeah, now i have 3 different pages to my entire blog, and for your info (if youre not up to the shizzy on what ive got up in hurr) they include as follows::
-if you go to the second page, (linked on the right) which is http://missditz2.pitas.com, you'll find my little collection of my fav. display pics, and a shitload of poetry ive written in the past year or some maybe even summer of 8th grade (though doubtful).
-if you go to the newest addition to my site, my third page, (also linked) you'll find my small, but growing i add, foto gallery.
following up on both of those pages, i want to tell you that i'd love to, well most likely love to, add a picture of you in my gallery (with credits of course) or a poem written by you (also with credits, hell, everything you send will either be linked to your site, or credit you) even display pics you wanna post up in my collection are greatly appreciated. most of all! i want to tell you im anticipating other bloggers like myself, to email me with their url's so that i can add your blog to the links of other blogs on the right of this page. thanks so much. ive already written hella, and i think the tv in my room is calling my name. MOVIE CHANNELS ROCK YO! haha. fo sho. well yeah so im gonna go lax on my bed and watch the tube, so once again...PEACE OUT MY HOME FRIES!!!
[[Wednesday, February 23, 2005 07:44 p.m.]]
It's a beutiful day in the neighborhood...
!!!fuck yeah, mister rogers is so freaking punk like omg. we both shop at hot topic and love good charlotte!!! *giggles*...now onto other matters that arent completely random...ahem.
wow! haha. its fucking crazy how when you clean your room and actually go thru the shit in the boxes and under the bed, the stuff you find that you had been looking for a while back and you no longer need. (like old homework that you lost before you turned in) and things that you used to think were no big deal and never cared that much about a year or two before and are happier than shit that you found it cause you will so totally treasure it and use/wear it hella now that youve found it. (like some jewelry i found, and stuff like presents from exes and POKEMON CARDS?!?!)
haha. yeah. but i think that after spending 3 hours straight going thru my shit sometime this weekend, and getting everything out from under my bed and going thru piles/boxes of shiz on the shelves in my room that i havent touched for anywhere between even just 6 or so months all the way to 2 or 3 years, it was like fucking christmas dewd. fo sho.
but i think that when i found all of my old notebooks and shoe boxes of papers that i had poems, sketches, taped in pictures and notes from 8th grade and freshman year, i swear tears ran down my face. as cheezy and sickeningly cute as it may sound to you biatches, i seriously took a fucking trip, more like a fucking fall, through a lane of memories that had been forgotten somewhere as a result of all the new shit thats happened and what i feel is relevent to me today. i could have locked myself in my room for days and still not have gotten through everything that i have kept away and neglected for so god damn long. what a happy fucking girl i was. (and still am)
i spose ill share at least the poems, and maybe eventually some diary entries that i found to be especially laughable and silly now. man oh man, almost a majority of the things i found from freshman year had, in some way, to do with mister jacob bradford. ugh. i think that if only i could go back in time with a freaking machine gun, i would most definately shoot myself for that whole affair that took up more than 8 months of my freaking life. agh. but hey, i guess i can laugh at it now. especially since i can choose whether or not to deal with his bullshit. *sings* 'cause i never see him, lalalalala. hahaha. but anyways. go check out my poetry page. and dont feel bad about laughing like mad at some of this shit. but not too hard...he was my first love okay!!!!!! sheesh.
damn i wrote a helluvalot. spent almost 20 mins on this shiznit. wha-cha. unless i choose to spend the rest of the night glued to this computer thing, i better get to adding those poems to my other page. peace out my home fries, ta ta.
[[Tuesday, February 22, 2005 07:36 p.m.]]
my poem i said id add here before i add it to the poetry page so i make sure its available for the lazy ones. i like it, i spose. it makes me sad/angry sometimes when i read it. i wrote it in September of 2004 or somewhere around that. I was a real emo child, and pretty angry and uber confused at the time. the time of the drugs and shit like that. the worst times. well here goes, cause mom is telling me to wrap it up here.
U n t i t l e d
hold me
squeeze me
love me
please...
i dont ask for much
go back to
the way you were,
how bad
do you think i am?
im still your baby girl.
i promise.
im not different.
i havent changed.
love me
how you used to
PLEASE MOMMY,
PLEASE!!
dont let me sit here alone
and cry for your
re-entrance
its not the point of no return...
is it?
~JRP
[[Tuesday, February 22, 2005 07:21 p.m.]]
life is a big bowl of tapioca pudding...wait. nvm. i dont like tapioca or pudding. fuck. my bad. well yeah. things have been strange lately. ive been real stressed and depressed. not a fun thing for me, yet some people make it a lifestyle and enjoy the hell out of it. hmmm. i miss benny. man oh man. i made a real hard decision that many of you wouldnt understand, and it really is none of your guys' god daymn business. pfft. im a bitch. man home fries. ive been in the most artistic mood of my life. not so much poetry now then drawing, and writing random thoughts down, and collages, and all kinds of stuff. its pretty cool. my sketchbook is filling up pretty fast. maybe ill scan some stuff sometime, if you ask me to. if you want it up, then post my chatter board and if i get maybe 2 ppl that want it, then ill actually take to time to get off my lazy cute ass and do it. or maybe if i get bored enuff. prolly either one. eventually shit will happen though. shit always happens.
im adding one of my poems too. from september sometime last year. before october and after school started so im prolly close by saying september. its vauge, but suck a dick if you care too much about the exact date, or the date at all god daymnit! BITCH!
go read it now. i guess for you dumbass folks who dont know or cant find (for some odd ass reason) the link on the side where the god daymn POEMS are. hehehe. yeah im a cusserific biatch tonight. which is rare for me...i think. yeah so i guess ill add it on this page first. for now. yeah. peace out my home fries with ketshup and mayo and icky slimy grease! wha chaa. shiggity shiggity shwah. fuck.
[[Monday, February 21, 2005 04:21 p.m.]]
god daymn i have troubles expressing how im feeling sometimes. usually when it wouldnt matter. but yeah. so confused right now. this song doesnt exactly reflect a lot of my feelings, but some of it is right on...
Circle Jerks Leave Me Alone lyrics
get off my back
out of my life
everything is building up
take the lid of the pot
before it blows up
chewed my fingernails to the bone
get off my back
just leave me alone
wake up tomorrow,do it again
yes sir,yes ma'am
no sir,no ma'am
get so fed up
with your fucking scams
chewed my fingernails to the bone
get off my back
just leave me alone
pressure,pressure,pressure
ahhhhhhhhhhh...
heavy weight on my mind
not enough beer
to erase the thought
work,money,bills,reality,
no spare time no sanity
[[Sunday, February 20, 2005 07:59 p.m.]]
more pictures...i just took them a few mins ago!
awww i was on the phone with benny!!
damn im cute!
hmmm emo kid.
fo sho!
[[Sunday, February 20, 2005 07:41 p.m.]]
yeah, here are the awesome pics of...myself, that i promised. i took em on the 16th of feb. recent. yeah.
This is me being a silly bitch. fo sho.
hmm. yeah thats me alrighty.
haha what a dumbass!!
putting on the hat...
wearing the hat...
you know, not that i would expect you to by the way, PIMPIN AIN'T EASY BIATCH!
and this emo kid is spent.
latah home fries.
[[Sunday, February 20, 2005 07:29 p.m.]]
yo yo yo! whats up yall?! aight so get this, im gonna be changing my hair here pretty soon, shorter, and im dying it black. ive still yet to call Fiona (my hair stylist) but ill try to get my ass on that shiz here in the next few days cause i got her cell numba. okay, so i know what i want 'n all, but i need to get a picture or two so Fiona gets the gist of it. (im not the bestest at explaining things like that sometimes) so i found like 1 picture in one of my magz for the kind of side bangs i want, but i thought i could find something more like what i want than that pic on the net. so yeah, ive been surfing google for pictures of styles for something at least closer to the style i want, and theres seriously like NOTHING even coming close. i swear i went to a bajillion sites and searched for all kinds of diff keywords, and the only galleries i found were like classic 70's haircuts, all curled and flipped. nothing real modern. i guess if it comes right down to it, i could just sketch it out. BLAH!!
anyways. hmmm. dunno what else to talk about at the moment. my sista lowa is here for the weekend, guess she leaves tomarrow to go back to the university in seattle. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm shiggity shiggity shwah. oh yeah, ive been working on some new shiz for tatoo designs. puttin my talent to new uses. its pretty bitchin. haha i said bitchin. = D
went to the show at the underground last night. the lead singer of the second band was pretty fucking hott. yeah. it was fun. but i think im gonna b-o-u-n-c-e now. maybe ill add a few pictures on here of yours truly cause im just so gosh darn cute! damn, how do some of you stand how incredibly gorgeous i am. (hey sarcasm, come on) but yeah, peace out my home fries.
[[Thursday, February 17, 2005 06:05 p.m.]]
Aight now. Im adding a new poem that ive written in here. Even though it should be in my other part of my journal with my other poems, im gonna put it here first, then in there later as a reminder for all you bitches to go there and read them (link on the side under tagboard) just in case you only look at this part of my blog. Aight here goes!
This was back when I was single. August 11, 04. I was really wanting to be with someone, but I had to let myself know that it was OK to be single and that I didnt need the "comfort" of a guy. Especially when I was trying to get clean and battling the drugs. Co-dependence was not high on my priority list. I was also close to hooking up with someone who REALLY had it bad for me :P but I wasnt totally into him, and I needed to learn that I COULD be picky and that I shouldnt settle for something I knew wasnt right for me. So This poem represents me reminding myself of how good I felt even when I wasnt with anyone.
W a i t i n g
Alone and loving it,
waiting is the best.
Reminiscing on past loves,
will have to be put to rest.
Longing for companionship,
I want to be caressed.
The feeling I cant explain,
is putting my heart to the test.
Although I may like you,
my emotions arent what you may have guessed.
I know someone is out there,
so I refuse to settle for second best.
~JRP
[[Thursday, February 10, 2005 08:08 p.m.]]
Untitled #2
Night was upon the city. The sky was clear and cold. Michelle sat stargazing from the balcony of her lakeside home. Sprawled across the couch with an afghan pulled tightly around her shoulders, the girl stared blankly at the empty ceiling of vast nothingness, making her feel quite alone in the world.
She felt her tom cat Toby nestle down against her stomach, and start to purr madly. Having extra weight on her stomach reminded her that she hadn't eaten that day and had run on a mocha late' from Starbucks. That reminded her...She pulled a little tablet from under the flower pot next to her couch which was where she spent most of her time.
It was sort of a diet journal. She kept track of what she ate (or didnt) on a day-to-day basis. Quickly she jotted down in her neat handwriting: 16oz Mocha Jara Late', under January 7th. She was getting hungry and her stomach growled loudly. Hesitantly she managed to pull herself up from the couch, making Toby look up at her sleepily.
The air was cold, though she was wearing only a pair of pink sweatpants and a white beater showing her defined bony shoulders and protruding hipbones. Her brunette hair rested at the tops of her shoulders and in the moonlight you could see the highlights in her hair. Reaching down to scratch her arm, Michelle admired her acrillic nails which she had gotten filled only the day before.
She took her appearance very seriously. Weekly trips to the gym, daily workouts, among other body thinning and toning secrets. She had a routine for each and every day as well, that kept her active. Michelle was also very busy with her photography career. In her mind was the perfect image of a thriving young woman in which she kept quite close to her and lived her life by.
Of course not everyone was perfect...
*****
Inside her kitchen, she had a perfect view of the lake from the window above the sink. Maplewood cabinets and beautifully wood-paneled floors made up a breathtaking interior for the cultery headquarters. Through the whole house, the interior design was spectacular and quite expensive. Not only was she payed well at her studio in Beverly Hills, but she also inherited the family wealth when her parents had their accident, being an only child.
Swinging open the cabinet the oven (which was rarely used for cooking) she pulled out an assortment of junkfood; oreos, cheetos, and chocolate, among other fattening fingerfoods. Then she made her way to the refridgerator and grabbed out a diet pepsi. Chow time.
*****
After eating her fill on her variety of breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Michelle washed down the rest of the pepsi uttering a small belch. Undeniably stuffed. Her binge was over. She could hardly move from the stool she sat upon at the islnad bar.
Slowly and carefully, she wobbled down off the stool and stood in place for a moment, staring out the window overlooking the lake. She realized how very alone she felt. Alone at age 26. Dating was always an option, yet hardly one which suited Mic at all. If she wanted to be the woman of her dreams, she couldn't be co-dependant, let alone allow anyone to block her path to success.
Two minutes passed and her stomach, now filled, hurt like a sonofabitch. Getting to the bathroom was a quick task; down the hall from the kitchen, the door on the left. Now kneeling at a familiar place, tears rolling down her cheeks, Michelle stared into the white bowl of the toilet. Then she stared straight ahead as her finger glided to her mouth, then to the back of her throat.
The End
[[Thursday, February 10, 2005 11:00 a.m.]]
OH MY FUCKING GOD! HOLLLLLY SHIT. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. IM HYPERVENTILATING AT THE MOMENT. I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE BEST TOUR IN THE FUCKING WORLD. AND ITS COMING TO SEATTLE. OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! FUCCCCCCCCK. I ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY have TO GO TO THIS. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
okay....*exhales loudly* daymn. fuck. shit. dewd. okay. agh. a little better. and...wheee. Okay. Well heres the dealio... Lemme try to stay calm. ok...*breath in...breath out...* Theres a battle of the bands tour in seattle on march 26th, and my two most FAVORITE bands ever (my chamical romance, the used) are playing in it, and i just called my sister, in tears cause im so excited, and asked her if i could get my parents to get me tickets as an early bday present, if she would take me. and she tottttalllly would. omg omg omg. ahhh so fucking excited. god daymn.
[[Wednesday, February 9, 2005 02:12 a.m.]]
Yeah, I just added some music. Freak on A Leash, by Korn. Yayyyy for Jilly making things better. Yayyyy!
[[Monday, February 7, 2005 07:16 p.m.]]
omg, benny is the best boyfriend ever. ahhhh! i love him so much! i know what hes getting me for my birthday. tee hee. we were looking together on the net while i was talking to him on the phone, and he wanted me to show him what skate deck i wanted. and i wanted an element, and i picked one out and hes getting it for me!!!! yayyyyyy!!! ahhh im so daymn excited!!!
bittttchchchch!
plus on top of that....[daymn things are going GREAT!!! i swear!!!] me and jess are talking again and we both thought the other one was mad at one another. haha how silllllly! but no matter what happens to us...thru ANYTHING! we will always be tight as shit. N-O M-A-T-T-E-R W-H-A-T!!!! daymn i love that gurl! shiiiit. yeah and im just in such a great mood right now. i wanna hug a teddy bear!
valentines day is coming up!!! i already have an idea of what im getting my benny-poo and its gonna be CUTE! lol. his birthday is also 2 days b4 mine and i have to get after him to find out what he wants...hmmm....gotta get on the phone now. haha. well ill post more in a few. i cant type well and talk at the same time. peace out my home fries!!!
[[Sunday, February 6, 2005 02:58 p.m.]]
Untitled #1
I guess he could see it in my eyes. His large hands tightly balled into fists at his sides, his shoulders slumped low. You could see his heart thumping from his broad chest...The way that he was looking somewhat through me, not at me. He knew what was about to occur.
Trying to steady my gaze into his icy oceanic eyes, I couldn't help but let the welled up tears in my eyes slip down my cheeks which were rosy from the frigid January chill. Upon placing my hand upon his shoulder, he sort of jumped as if his mind were someplace other than the conversation which was about to commence. At least he had time for other thoughts before some heavy shit was layed on him. Really heavy.
After coming to realize that I was crying, and that he was finally going to figure out that was so important that I had called to meet him in the city park at 10:00am, he blinked several times and looked into my face sorrowfully. I knew that he knew. I decided since I finally had his attention, I might as well start spilling my guts.
"Okay, now I know this isn't-"
"Jen, listen. I really love you--but if one of us isnt happy, then..."he trailed off and focused his gaze at the frost covered bench at his side,"I guess I want whatever you want."
Tears once again started pouring down from my eyes and I brought my hands up to cover them, sobbing. The wind rustled my hair and a single curly golden lock rested across my face. This hurt. It was much more difficult than I had thought it would be. Evan thought I was breaking up with him. I turned away and brushed the hair away from my face.
"It's not that. I love you so much. After this, I hope with all my heart that you will still love me as much as I care so deeply for you."
I could feel his gaze shift upon me.
"You cheated on me. It's someone else isn't it!" he grabbed my shoulders with this strong hands of his and shook me, gripping hard enough to hurt.
"Sit down." I urged him through clenched teeth. Angry at the fact that he would think that.
I pulled away from him and brushed off the icy bench before sitting down. Damn it was cold, but he sat beside me and flashed cold hurt eyes at my own reddened swollen green ones. I couldn't tell him. I could hardly stay sane knowing myself. Yet all I could do was look across the lonely duck pond and think of how the best way to put it would be.
"Who is it." he was now choked up close to tears himself.
Nobody." I looked up at him again, and the icy breeze ruffled his long wavy brown hair.
"Just tell me!" he shouted back, with tear welled eyes.
"It's not that!" I shouted back, crying harder than ever.
He just seemed to get more furious and closed his eyes tightly as he spoke.
"Then what is it?" he slowly said now, his teeth clenched.
I looked deeply into his eyes which instantly lost the coldness from them, and I grabbed his hands tightly in mine, squeezing hard.
I spoke in a hushed trembling voice, "I'm pregnant."
Written by Jilly
[[Saturday, February 5, 2005 04:45 p.m.]]
Beginning of My Short Stories!!!
I'm gonna start putting some of the short stories ive written up on here every now and then. ive got two right now....and ill be putting them up here in the near future fo sho!!!! so stay tuned!
[[Thursday, February 3, 2005 04:20 p.m.]]
Emo Poem #3
Recovery from you
See these Scars on my hand..
see these scars on my soul..
See these marks left on me..
black as coal...
black as your eyes...
black as your thoughts
black as your lies..
(black as my tears)
and they make me mad...
they make me mad
they make me oh so mad at you..
(chorus)
let me be..
i need time for recovery,
recovery from you..
and me...
and me...
AND ME!!!!!!...
you kinda let it go..without a care at all
then decided to take me back....but i refused your simple "crying call"
but hell ive had enough with you...
cause i'm tired of all this Sh*t you put me through...
and i want out..
(chorus)
and i wanna run away from my fears...
but why should i have too?
when ive chased them for all these years ..
all these years....
and what would runnin away really do?
theres no way i could stop thinking of you...
and i'd go to sleep to get away
but you still haunt my dreams...even today
when you said it was over..
did you really mean its done
or were you trying to get it to start again
cause hatreds all that has begun
(chorus)
The End.
awwwwwwe. tylers such a cutie when he writes his music! lol. its such a cute emo song. but yeah....
benny boy burnt me a finch cd and gave it to me today. its so awesome. love finch. haha. tomarrow night im staying at mah sisters and she said we might go see a movie or something. maybe go to dinner. but she wants to do something special since we havent spent time together for awhile. but yeah. i dont really feel like writing a lot right now, so im gonna go. peace out all my home fries.
[[Wednesday, February 2, 2005 08:23 p.m.]]
You're a sexy girl! You are beautiful, and you
love attention from guys, and are very
flirtatous. You might come off as a slut and
bitch to some but I think you have another side
to you that is pleaing for attention, love, and
care. You might be confident on the outside but
don't be afraid to unleash a more sensitive
side. Be better than just the average sex
symbol.
What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla
[[Wednesday, February 2, 2005 12:03 p.m.]]
life is like a bowl of oranges. man i wish! but nah its cool, cause life is so awesomely awesome that its more like a bowl of grapefruits. uhhh...well oranges are better, but grapefruits are bigger, so therefore it symbolizes that its more bettttter to have a bowl of grapfruit than a bowl of oranges. unless of course you are one of those ppl that really doesnt care for grapefruit. then you are a silly little craze-o hoho bunny.
but anyways....yeah. that was just a little deep thought with jilly. a new addition to my journal. yeah-hah. i might continue in writing these deep thoughts at the beginning of my entries, but only until my heart starts to hurt and i start seeing little yellow shadow gnomes out of the corners of my eyes. hehehe. yeah you cant tell im in a good mood can ya?
as you may already know, its wednesday. then tomarrow is thursday which is a cool day sorta. but friday is even betterful cause friday night im gonna stay the night over at mah sister heidi's. i havent spent time with her in forever. but thats okay, itll make friday seem like an even betterful time. well im in 4th period multi-media class, so i think im gonna go and work on my personal bam margera project. (its made on flash!!!) haha cute. well im gonna go so peace out all my home fries.
HAPPPPPPPPPPPY BIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRTTTHHDAY MEGZ!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY SWEET 15 MY SWEET DARLIN!!
[[Monday, January 31, 2005 06:51 p.m.]]
jilly loves her benny. and benny loves his jilly. and things are just so great right now. please done pinch me, i might wake up and be back to where i was before...
today was awesome. school was awesome. no real reason, just had a hella awesome day at school, which is a big deal, yes? benny boy gave me tom and his friend eric? (not sure if his name was eric, i suck at remembering stuff.) and he dropped the two guys off first then went to his hizzouse to drop his backpack off and ask his dad if he could come hang out over at my house for awhile and his dad said no prob, as long as he was home for dinner at 6. so we had a cute ol time. = D like we always do pretty much.
and whats even MORE exciting, is ben asked me to prom, so its gonna be the cutest time EVER!!! i already know which dress im getting.
DESCRIPTION: full length, deep red, very prom-ish, haha, ummm, tight fitting until the waist, then it is quite flowing. it also has a shawl type dealy for the shoulders or neck. ahhhh im so freaking excited and its only feb...well almost feb. haha. well yeah.
then february 2nd is megz' birthday!!! yay. shes gonna be as old as me which is this many:[1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10][11][12][13][14][*15*]. yes. 15. how CUTE!!!! hehehe. i loves you much my megz megz megz!!!! when you come for spring break, were gonna rock the hizzouse with all our homies and friends. hahaha. oooh baby!
[[Friday, January 28, 2005 11:30 a.m.]]
im just writing this to remind myself of a site. http://www.bzoink.com/ there. proceed to read my real entries. adios.
[[Friday, January 28, 2005 10:56 a.m.]]
And then I actually write something for a change...who'da thunk it!? Yeah ive kinda been grounded for a few weeks for some skippage of school and such. just stupid pointless things. had iss yesterday which had to have been one of the most boring things ive ever done, not counting going to mass, but lets not talk about boring stuff. im not a very inactive person like that. so lets talk about happy things. ^_^ hehehehe.
Aight. well first of all, yesterday was when i got ungrounded and after school i got my phone back. a little bit after i got home benny boy called and asked if i was going to conspiracies of hope. i told him i had bought a ticket after school and of course i was going cause i had to see him play guitar with brendan. he asked if i wanted to hang out before it started which was at 7:07pm. and i was like....OF COURSE! so i asked my parents if he could come over for little bit and they had no prob with it. we chilled for a little bit at my house and then left to go do something else before we went to wahi. So we left about 5, and decided to go to pioneer park and play on the toys. it was getting dark, and since ben was in the show, he had to be there at 6:30, so we decided to go. it was the cutest thing though, cause ben has ben my best friend and i love him lots and lots. and now were going out. things are going so great for me now. ahhh. life rocks!
[[Monday, January 10, 2005 02:32 p.m.]]
Artist: The Killers
Song: Under The Gun
She's got her halo and wings
Hidden under his eyes
But she's an angel for sure
She just can't stop telling lies
But it's too late for his love
Already caught in a trap
His angel's kiss was a joke
And she is not coming back
Because heaven sends and heaven takes
Crashing cars in his brain
Keep him tied up to a dream
And only she can set him free
And then he says to me
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Yeah she's got a criminal mind
He's got a reason to pray
His life is under the gun
He's got to hold every day
Now he just wants to wake up
Yeah, just to prove it's a dream
Cause she's an angel for sure
But that remains to be seen
Because heaven sends and heaven takes
Crashing cars in his brain
Keep him tied up to a dream
And only she can set him free
And then he says to me
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Stupid on the streets of London
James Dean in the rain
Without her it's not the same
The same, the same, but it's alright
Because heaven sends and heaven takes
Crashing cars in his brain
Keep him tied up to a dream
And only she can set him free
And then he says to me
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Again and again
[[Wednesday, January 5, 2005 01:11 p.m.]]
aloha amigos. i know i dont really write much anymore, but lifes been busy...okay im a liar. but really. dont have much time for anything other than school, sleep, chores, and midless pondering. i guess josh (my ex) is just a little angry at me. when i asked him why i never got a straight answer, but that cool too. i guess he still wants to be friends though. what a silly little freshman boy.
okay. get this. dad has been buying me and megz cigarettes recently. greatly appreciated, really and truly. then last night i accidentally slipped up and told mom. it wasnt really my fault, but they were in my pocket and she asked if she could have them and im like shit. she thought i had stolen them from her or dad, and she asked and i said no, dad had bought them from us. she looked at me kinda funny and she said "really?" and im like yeah i SWEAR. when dad got home, he told her (since she asked of course) that he didnt know anything about it and hadnt been buying us smokes at all. wtf?!!? but im glad he covered his ass. its just that, mom thought i had been lying to her. and later she called me into the kitchen and asked me why the hell i straight out lied to her. and i just said im sorry. i didnt know what to say. i took her scolding and promised not to lie again. then, today at school, i got her text message that said dad had told her the truth and she was really sorry. i wonder why he told her? but yeah...
either today or tomarrow or something of the sort, dad is sposed to get some money deposited in the bank and hes gonna give me and megz each like 15 or 20 bucks i think he said. and let us go to the mall or movies or something. that will be tight. man, its starting to get sunny today. it needs to at least get all of the ice off of the ground so i can go skating. i miss skating too damn much. grrrrrr. thought about it yesterday cause i was watching a skating demo on tv and i thought about asking mom if me and megz could go to the skatepark, but then i remembered that it was cold snowy and frosty icy shitty out.
well ive written hella already, so im gonna go for now. piece out my homos.
[[Sunday, January 2, 2005 01:02 p.m.]]
You should read this stuff.
Suicide
The guns to far
The knives to dull
The bridges to low
The cars all stall
The building fell
The pills to few
The booze all gone
It takes to long
I wont be gone
I won't die here
I won't die now
written by my friend Anthony.
you can find more of his stuff here: http://www.fictionpress.com/~devilsdontcry.
a lot of stuff has been going on recently. this poems kind of reflect on these current events. my best friend, my baby girl, has to leave town for awhile to go to sacred heart medical center in spokane. ill miss her dearly. i love you deva. <3
[[Thursday, December 30, 2004 04:45 p.m.]]
Me and Megz took a bunch of pictures on her webcam she got for xmas! theyre so cute. wanna see? okay fine. but ill show ya anyway!
Well hope you enjoyed the pics. we probably had more fun laughing at ourselves afterwards then anything. but yeah. toodles.
[[Sunday, December 26, 2004 12:20 p.m.]]
Oo00o0o0oooooo....I got a cellphone for christmas!!!! Isnt that exciting. lol. well i had an exceptional christmas indeed. my sister/best friend evah, is here. Megz. This morning i went to go get my picture taken with my dads side of the family. my gramma marian wanted one of all her grandkids, so we went and did that. also got a picture or two of me and heidi done which weve been waiting to do for a hella long time. but hey im gonna cut this sort cause me and Megz and Justin are gonna go downtown and go to the bon and such. so catch ya later bitches. *muah*
 I am Chocolate Flavoured.
I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. What Flavour Are You?
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[[Monday, December 20, 2004 01:00 p.m.]]
whats up bitches? haha. nothing much here. its like 1 now, and i spose i got up around 10ish. stayed up pretty late last night, maybe fell asleep around 2ish. deva came over around 11:45 or so and we hung out for awhile. but she had to go to a voice recording dealy, so she just left. my daddy came home not long after she got here on his lunch break, and it was funny cause he was all "be careful not to burn the house down with your cigarette smoking. both of you." lol. what a silly.
last night i went over to devas, then we (me her and her friend john) went to blockbuster and rented a movie called requiem for a dream. it was some type of stoner movie. really sad. based on a book i think. and we went over to johns and watched it. hes a really nice guy. so i think hes in choir with deva...yupperz. but yeah, then after the movie got over (just in time for me to hit curfew; which was 11:30 last night) i got a ride home and just hung out with mommy for like 2 minutes then she went to take a bath and went to bed. so i got on the computer and messed around a bit. it was a pretty fun night. im sposed to be staying the night at devas tuesday (tomarrow) night. we already have planned what were gonna do. rent sex and the city season 1 dvds and make cupcakes and have yay fun time! hahaha what a silly.
well chickas and chickos, i think that im gonna jamm for now. i think the toaster and coffee pot are calling me. until next time...
You're "Bike Scene", You could be
someone"s best best or their worst ex. You
always seem to be wrapped around someone's
finger.
Which taking back sunday song are you?
[[Sunday, December 19, 2004 09:17 a.m.]]
good morning. man i slept good last night. i would share my dreams and all, but i dont remember any of them. today mom is going to tricities with my gran and theyre gonna go christmas shopping. fun fun fun. i was thinking if i showered and such early enuff i would walk downtown with my bro and go to the bon, cause i need to get some done for my fav. chicka. (my devastar!!) i think i already know what im getting her but its a secret for sure! lol. wow only 5 more days until christmas...i think. no...6. lol. yeah 6 is right. we still dont have our tree up. :S crazy huh! that kinda shows how busy my family is, has been, or at least said theyve been. hopefully mom will bring it in this morning (cant count on that) and let me put it up at least. its a fakie.
man im tired! shitty. ive been working on this layout a bit, adding some stuff and trying to make it better. for the most part its working. yay! tag me up and tell me what you think. ill write more later probably. oh. help me find my retainers, i lost them!!
[[Saturday, December 18, 2004 04:55 p.m.]]
Well...I havent written in a while so i thought i would. At the moment im just sittin here eating popcorn with cooking spray. ooh baby! Just bein bored, its the first day of winter break and already moms being bitchy. Shes sleeping as always and its already 4:45. I was gonna go over to Devas house, she said I could and all, then changed her mind. Blah.
last night I stayed the night over at my grans and grampas cause mom was working till 11 and dad was taking laura to seattle (back to university of wa) i miss her already. way to damn much. lol. maybe when dad gets home he'll let me do something. anymore im way closer to him than her. partially because of isolation (hers) and so hes pretty much taken over as a single parent. i love my daddy so much though. *muah* <--kissy noise
but anyways, last night i went over to my sissys for a little while. just to help her with her kids and hang out with her while we went to kmart and shopko. it was a good time. at shopko chris was working and i talked to him a bit. at least as much as i could cause he was kinda busy. he was sposed to call me today but hasnt. waaahhhh for jill. this break is gonna be cool though. laid back and of course christmas. i wanna spend some time with my deva and chris and hopefully josh. hes sposed to come over and talk to my daddy about wicca and maybe get a tatoo.
well....blah. i ended up typing way more than i thought i would. thats cool i guess. shows how bored i am. its now 4:51 and nothing new has happened. 6 minutes. wow. i think i spent more time thinking about what to say than typing. or maybe the other way around. not thinking and just cramming mindless shit down here. thats cute. but i think this emo child is gonna go for the time being, and ponder my self pity. pfft. i think i need to go x-mas shopping for katie, deva, and my family now. so peace out home fries.
[[Saturday, November 27, 2004 02:37 a.m.]]
tonight was a BLAST! me and Megz had been planning on going partying, but daddy wasnt goin for it. So us and Laura went to the mall and played pool went to claires and shop ko and stuff like that. After that we went to Pizza Hut and I wasnt real hungry but we got breadsticks and that was nummy. After leaving Pizza Hut, we went downtown and chilled (literally) for a couple hours prolly. We started hanging out with Chris Brandon and Eric and soon decided to go be cold somewhere else. So we went to Safeway so I could pee and then to Pioneer Park and played on the toys from like midnight till 2ish. It was awesome! But yeah *yawn* time to go crash I think. Laura is upstairs in my room playing old school nintendo 64 (Yoshi's story) and so I might just lay down on my bed and fall asleep. TTYL. Hope we do the same thing tomarrow nite. I'll keep ya updated on that and tell ya how it goes. night all *kissy kissy*
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Jilly's Results to the Survey.
Have you ever...
1.Smoked?--yes. still do. bad habit.
2.Been drunk as hell?--fo sho. but thats bad, i quit that stupid shit.
3.Screwed somone of the oppsite sex?--hehehe im a stupid nympho. i mean, yes i have.
4.Screwed somone of the same sex?--umm not yet? just made out with other chicks before.
5.Shoplifted?--mhm. thats a yes.
6.Lied?--if you know me personally, you'll know im both a deliberate and pathological liar. :P mostly just messing around though.
7.Betrayed a friend?--not the ones that mean a damn to me.
8.Been to jail?--nope, never been in trouble with the five-oh before.
9.Smoked weed?--used to be a pothead. ugh. always hated smoking weed though. been off it for 4 months. :D
10.Done LSD?--nuh uh. but ive done other hallucinogens before. crazy shit. dont like those either. drugs are bad.
11.Done any other illegal drugs?--yeah. used to be a bad kid. least i came to my senses right??
12.Given oral sex?--haha. sorry parentals who are reading this, but thats your fault. yes, im a pro fo sho.
13.Received oral sex?--uhhhh. yes... :S dont really like it tho. im a weirdo.
14.Screwed somthing not of the human race?--do inanimate objects count? cause if they do i got a mile long list. (sorry i told you my nympho mind is twisted, but you dont have to read this ya know!!)
15.Screwed somthing not alive?--like i said...inanimate objects.....no roadkill or anything though...
16.Cheated on someone?--*sigh* i would never do that now...but i have before. ill try not to be the lil liar i am.
17.Used someone?--umm, im too thoughtful to "use" anyone that matters. mostly i just use my toilet paper. sorry my quiltie buddies!!!
18.Paid someone for sex?--ugh, as if! haha CLUELESS ROCKS MY SOCKS. or something like that. but no.
19.Been paid for sex?--i aint yo hoe! no way dawg. im too dope fo that. *brushes her shoulders off*
20.Played strip poker?--haha. fo sho. only i never learned how to play the card part. mostly with my girlfriends and buddies in middle school.
21.Skipped school?--yeah. but that shit is stupid. i got caught and that made me come around.
22.Skipped school to get high/drunk?--nope. surprised at that actually. even when i was at my worst. never skipped for that. only did to sit around and do nothing. DUMB!!!!
23.Danced naked?--i do every morning before school in front of my mirror!! (im so damn cute naked!)
24.Danced naked in public?--nuh uh...but i had a dream about that once...
25.Flashed someone?--yeah fo sho. only when i was drunk tho...i think...
26.Mooned someone?--haha. i moon my mom when i wanna hear her say my middle name: "JILLIAN RENEE' PALACHUK!". then she usually laughs.
27.Kissed someone?--kissing would have to be the best thing ever. girls are more fun to kiss though...(sorry guys, but its true)
28.Kissed someone of the same sex?--like i said, its a kick ass time yo, try it sometime.
29.Held hands?--yeah...:D all the time with all my buddies!
30.Hugged someone?--mhm. im a huggy kind of person. u dont shake hands where im from, we all family yall!
31.French kissed someone?--yeah...even did a 4-way kiss with 2 guys and 1 other girl. after the kiss every person said they could feel my tongue ring. hah!
32.Had sexual fantasies?--every day. especially when im with katie cause were nypho twinsies. all our convos usually consist of sex. ;P
33.Had gay/lesbian fantasies?--yes...i fantacise about your mom all day long. *sigh*
34.Stolen money?--not a significant amount. usually just change for things like breakfast at school...(gotta love those cinnamon rolls!)
35.Stolen money from family?--the change, yeah. maybe a 5 once for coffee downtown. but only like once and i slipped 5 more bucks back in my moms purse later that week w/o saying anything. i felt like a bitch for it.
36.Stolen drugs from family?--nicotine is a drug. back before my rents bought me sinnah stix id take one here and there.
37.Been convicted of a crime?--nuh uh.
38.Dated someone because u heard they were easy?--nope. usually just hook up with the easy ones, not worth a whole relationship when i just intend to get my freak on. ;P
39.Had someone dated u because they heard u were easy?--unfortunately yes, cause of jacob and his dumbass mouth. hes a jackass.
40.Been called a whore?--katie calls me a whore everyday, but its okay...i like it ;). im her whore and shes mine! yayyy!
41.Been called a bitch?--thats where katie comes into play again. lol. but yeah i call myself a bitch all the time. proud of it fo sho.
42.Watched porn?--heh heh. love that stuff. its kinda cheesy sometimes, but hey...i swear im a guy stuck in a fricken girls body sometimes!!! lmfao!
43.Tape porn?--nuh uh...lol.
44.Watched porn u taped?--not applicable...
45.Kissed someone in a moving vehicle?--i think so...maybe just a kiss on the cheek tho.
46.Screwed someone in a moving vehicle?--ugh no. not that cheep or desperate.
47.Used sex TOYS?--sex toys? like dildos and vibrators??!?! haha wheeeeeeee!
48.Tried to kill yourself?--never answered any question with the word "no" and meant it more strongly than i do when i say no to this one.
49.Tried to kill someone else?--noperz. just made a cartoon animation in flash with a cartoon drawing i made of me killing brittney spears. (i made her head and put it on a spiders body...) ugh hate spiders, and blonde pop singers. lol.
50.Told someone you hated them?--hate is a strong word, and i only told someone that when i was real upset, like to my parents, without meaning it. i dont using that word loosely.
51.Told someone you loved them and didnt mean it?--i spose so. but only when conversing with evil relatives. blah.
52.Are you gay?--im's a gurlie yo. but i have the ultimate respect towards homosexuals. rock on all you queers! keep it real and tell all the homophobes to "GO SUCK A DICK!!!" at least i do. hehe.
53.Are you lesbian?--hmm. well. im real openminded. but im not full lesbo. just like bi-curious i spose. natual teen girl curiosity. but all girls need a little dick in their life. (at least i sure as fuck do!!)
54.Have u kissed more the one person at once?--yeah. several times. its messy, but its a rush. haha. never forget truth or dare in middle school with my friends and kissing 2 or more of my best girlie friends at the same time. hott shit right thurr!
So theres my results fuckahs! post comments on what i wrote if ya want on my chatter board above, or email me. love to hear love/hate emails.
get cha freek on as often as you can! peace out home fries!
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